Choosing the path of mindfulness and meditation has opened my mind to a world that I seriously had no idea existed. I've opened the door to this new way of experiencing the world, and don't get me wrong, it has brought so many wonderful improvements in my life, but it's also forced me to dive into some dark places.
I spent many years avoiding pain. Creating excuses for myself and others, unwilling to confront the real issues at hand. My practice of meditation has exposed these habits, to a point where I can't turn back. Meditation creates spaciousness in the mind that has allowed me to sit with my suffering, instead of wanting to run away from it. I'm now fully aware of this knee-jerk reaction I have when suffering presents itself, pointing blame or victimizing myself in order to deflect from the root of the issue. My meditation has given me the ability to change that reaction. It's created room in my mind for me to observe these thoughts, and instead of the instant reaction of avoidance, I have the ability to just sit with it. Bringing awareness to my suffering has been a game changer in my life.
As I discover this place of deep introspection within me, the thought of understanding someone else on this level seems impossible. My whole life I've craved these deep emotional connections with other people (I'm a scorpio, duh), and that desire has never been completely satisfied, this has been the root of a lot of my suffering. Living an open and honest life and being met with guarded or closed minds creates a very lonely world. I know now that what I needed all along was this connection within. I've finally found the freedom to live my truth. No one else can offer me the pure joy of being present in each moment, of connecting fully to the experience of being human, of learning to embrace the beauty of happiness and the darkness of sadness with equanimity.
This journey within has taught me that I need to let go of my paralyzing search for connection with others. My external relationships may bring me passing joy, but they do not define me. I now have the strength of mind to stand confidently in my life and create my own definition of me.
Meditation is a journey through the mind, and on that journey we find ourselves.